Thursday, July 22, 2010

Scented Candle


Aveda Shampure Candle

I am blessed with windows spanning an entire wall with rows of magnificent trees in view. I love the optical illusion of working amongst the greens in the comfort of my home. For want of a porch or veranda I think it is pretty cool.

It has been raining the last two days, an overdue respite from a stretch of stifling hot weather. The unending drizzle and occasional downpour have mesmerized Dayee and Camille, watching and listening to the rain for hours on end.

As opposed to the full glare on sunny days, the light on rainy days are muted, softer, paler. The dimmed sky ushering evenings in earlier. I love evenings, a time when everything settles after an eventful day. Evening is my cue to pick a candle from the book shelf, trim the wick and watch it flicker.

In my search for a scented candle that is not too heady nor masked with no scent at all I have bought quite too many. I have finally embarked on my perfect candle, a soy wax candle by Aveda known as Shampure. Made with plant essences such as organic lavendar, ylang ylang and petitgrain, the scent is as the name suggests, pure, soothing and calming. It simply smells clean.

The scent has slowly wafted the whole room, breathing a sense of well being. Watching from my writing desk, the trees, the rain, the warm glow of the candle and Dayee nodding asleep against the window pane is a picture of peace and stillness.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

10 Promises to My Dog



10 Promises to My Dog is a Japanese movie made a few years back. I want to see it but I don't to at the same time because I know I will cry my eyes out. I have also decided not to watch it at the cinema because I don't want to annoy other moviegoers by my bawling. After finally mustering enough courage I set out to rent the dvd. By the time the ending credits roll, my floor is littered with tissue.

I have the trailer of the movie in my youtube play list and when I get real pissed with the kids, I will replay it. It never fails to move me to tears and I will pick Porky up and hug him tight. The promises give me a perspective otherwise forgotten in the minutiae of everyday life.

I walk in on a real moving scene yesterday at my vet's. I am there to get stuff for Ashley and Camille. I expect the clinic will be full as usual but all I see is the nurse crumpled on the floor next to a golden retriever in an otherwise empty clinic. There is a surgical wound near the dog's tail and naively I think the dog is recovering from the haze of anaesthesia. When the nurse turns towards me to ask me what I need, she is crying. She is choking when she tells me the dog has undergone a surgery to remove a malignant tumor a few days ago, but the cancer has spread to his innards and the situation is gloomy.

Through the consultation room wafted the wailing and sobbing of two female voices, that of a mom and a teenage daughter. Just a look at the beautiful dog lying motionless on the floor with eyes half opened is heartbreaking. The daughter is a complete wreck, sobbing uncontrollably as she comes out to look at her beloved dog. She is going to bring him to the U.K. to be with her through university. She keeps saying the dog is only nine years old and she wants to bring him to the U.K. to spend more time with him.

After getting what I want from the teary nurse, I think it's only proper to give the family their privacy and moment of silence. The vet nods in my direction and gives me a bitter smile. There is only so much medicine can do.

I grab Porky and hold him next to me in bed last night. Just feeling the warmth of his body, the steady heart beat and his snoring make me realize how transitory life is. Losing Kobe is the worst thing that has happened to me in recent years. I cannot imagine losing Porky. I hope the golden retriever will not be in too much pain and the daughter can say a proper goodbye.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Promise



My constant companion will turn eight this October, in doggie world that's fifty-six years old. I have delegated the care taking to Merlyn when she's still here. Now that I am the sole caretaker, I have discovered new traits I haven't noticed before.

I always tell people I am blessed with a pig who has a very mild temperament. Unlike his breed he is not prone to incessant barking. He is very sociable and doesn't bite. He behaves so well I take him almost everywhere with me. He has very good table manners and would never scramble for food on the table when we eat out.

The vet always say Porky is a gentleman, can't agree more. He is much loved in the neighborhood and he greets everyone. He likes people more than other pooches, which I deduce as him thinking he is a little human. I know Porky understands a lot of vocabulary but his association skill is amazing.

I have to run some errands yesterday and I promise him that if he is a good boy, I'll give him a "cookie" when I come back and we will go "running" afterwards. When I reach home at 6pm it is still piping hot outside. I just want to put all the bags down and cool off for a while. Porky is circling me all this time, following me to the kitchen. While washing my hands, he is already at the cookie jar wagging his tail. He remembers.

As the evening and night wear on, at one point he climbs up on the side of my chair and tap my thighs. He looks at me with those bright round eyes and a broad smile. Are we going to "run" yet? I tell him to wait. After a short while, he climbs up and taps me again. We should "run". I get up from the dining chair and he is already at his leash, pink tongue showing with a big grin.

After gearing up for our"run" we walk down the stairs. Lo and behold, it has started to rain! I mumble something, something, continuing our way down the stairs. When we reach the lobby, the security guard says it's raining, with all three of us staring at the glass door. Then Porky starts to bark at the door and the rain. It's the first time I have seen him do this. I take it he is really frustrated that after all the waiting to go "run" it's raining.

Seeing him thus, I ask the security guard to open the door anyway. The drizzle has become a downpour and with nothing to do except wait under the awning of the liquor store, I light up and start puffing. I have loosened Porky's leash and he tentatively steps out to test water. He returns to my side after several tries, deciding not to brave the fat droplets after all. Knowing these summer downpours will go away soon enough, I tell him we'll wait in the lobby.

True enough after five minutes or so, the rain has stopped. The security guard has treated Porky with a cookie but all this time he is looking at the glass door. He is so happy when the guard announces the rain has stopped and he looks at me expectantly. I fix his leash and off we go, his feet pattering on the wet pavement. Our "run" is half the distance we usually cover but short legged Porky seems to think his legs plus tummy are soaked enough so when I turn to go home there is no protest.

When we reach the lobby he starts to shake off the water. He is so contented he is wearing a big, big smile. With my flip flops squishing and Porky leaving wet paw marks in the hallway, we head for the elevator. While drying him he pokes his head through the towel to give me a slurp kiss. I guess it's his way of telling me he appreciates my delivering a promise.

After taking a long drink from his water bowl he lies down, heaves a mighty sigh and in no time I hear his famous snore. I pat him and bid him sweet dreams. Some pig.

Books and Blunder













A much welcomed email from B&N annouces the summer sale is here, and the long awaited paperback version of "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown is finally available for pre-order. Best of all, the books will be shipped to my sister's free of charge. This will be a great Christmas present pour moi when she comes back from the States in December.
This is a consolation to the passport blunder last month. I am supposed to attend my cousin's wedding in Toronto, then meet up with my girlfriend for a sojourn in New York City. Suffice to say I find out two nights prior to my departure that my passport has expired three months earlier!! Fortunately, the ticket has not been issued thereby the financial damage is contained, but the disappointment has permeated the rest of June.
I have been receiving post cards and parcels from New York. The "wish you were here" makes my heart glow. I have been so worried the ditched girlfriend from Toronto will be bored to tears braving the Big Apple on her own. Updates from my other girlfriend who lives in Jersey are really upbeat though. The two ladies have bonded so well they both describe as having found a long lost friend. How great is that?
Things happen for a reason. I have missed a lovely wedding and a gal pal trip to my favorite city. In retrospect though, I think it's a blessing in disguise. If not for my stupidity, I would not have known the support from those I have let down, knowing I will be my worst berator for failing them. This detour has been worth it afterall. "All's well that ends well" as the bard would have put it.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Why Indeed?



To tell the truth I don't feel like justifying myself as I grow older. I think it has a lot to do with coming to terms with my own quirks. I am very stubborn with certain things but I don't really care one way or another with other stuff. I have very strict priorities and strong beliefs. First on the list, I believe people should respect other people's sensibilities. We all have our reasons for being a certain way.

This post will not exist if not for a new aquaintance who not only likes to cut into you when you are talking but also bombard you with "why, why and more why". As if this is not irritating enough the worst is yet to come. The psycho babble that the reason I am single is because I have some inherent psychological hurdle I haven't overcome. Huh?

This is not an age thing but a life stage thing. People evolve over time. Some things may consume all your energy at one point but when you look at them at a later date, they may be totally irrelevant.

Oh yes, I take Porky everywhere, provided dogs are allowed. I cannot imagine going out with someone who does not love my kids. I want to be respected as an intelligent and independent woman. I want to be able to communicate with my significant other on the same level. I want us both to have big enough hearts and small enough egos.

I want to give back to mother nature for nurturing me all these years. I count my blessings for having so much love and abundance around me. Do I have high standards? Am I setting myself up for failure? My answer is a shrug. I don't care one way or another if this person shows up at this point in my life. I am completely at peace with myself.

Why am I this way? Why indeed?

(I love stairs, can't resist this photo from Design Sponge)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Preference


Desk from Design Sponge

It's been a year since Merlyn has left for the Philippines. I try to keep up with her routine in the early months especially with the kids, but I find myself resenting their every demand and I am always ill-tempered.

A few months back, I come across a detailed article on biological clocks. It's not new literature that early birds and night owls do exist. Most people tend to swing towards one side of the pendulum, but in extreme cases some people are built as birds or owls.

After a year's worth of experimenting, there is no doubt I am a night owl. I am completely out of sync with Merlyn's routine and the anger is a glaring sign I am in the wrong time zone. My schedule and that of the kids now are polar opposite to a year earlier. I go to sleep when I hear the birds chirping in the grey lights of early morning and wake up in the early afternoon.

I use to equate waking up late as being lazy but not anymore. I do the same amount of work, just in my own time zone. I go grocery shopping with Porky at 4am, no crowd, no traffic. I love walking Porky in the still of the night and bask in the the peace, the space. Being an early bird or a night owl is not necessarily one better than the other.

Whatever works. Life is stressful enough.
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