Empathy

I have never been so furious with my kids, ever. This morning I heard a dull thud and I knew it's one of the cats, most likely Camille, who had done something. I didn't have my contacts or glasses on, but holding Porky in my arms, I ventured out of bed in a daze to check out what the mayhem was this time. It turned out to be my laptop.

From the mangled mouse usb and the portal in my laptop, the evidence clearly pointed to Camille toying with the wire attaching the mouse and pulled the laptop down. It was 6:30am. I fed Dayee and proceeded to check if the laptop still worked. It did. Fine, I was still hung over with my sleeping pill, so I grabbed Porky and went back to sleep.

When I woke up, I turned on the laptop. So far so good, until I plugged in a memory stick. The screen went black. I checked the power, disconnected and reconnected all the plugs. Nothing, zilch. That's when I cracked. I was screaming at Camille and finally cornered her in the bathroom behind the laundry basket. I closed the bathroom door and she knew she was in trouble. Boy, I was yelling and screaming at her and I really wanted her to vanish, to go away.

I wanted to cry. Since Merlyn left, I had been telling myself that it's a transition period for the kids and me. I understood that Camille was attached to Merlyn and the fact that she couldn't find her was nerve wrecking for her.

She broke every picture frame in the house. I was hopping mad, especially the first one she broke was a photo of Kobe and me. I was so glad that though the glass was broken, the photo was intact. The next few nights, she proceeded to break the others. At this point, I didn't even care. It's not like these things were not replaceable, but my sanity was irreplaceable.

The only 2 people who understood the stress and why I snapped was a friend who's taking care of her 17 year old doggie and my shrink. He was surprised I held everything together for over a month and except for telling him that I was tired, my mood was okay. He proceeded to tell me that I was one tough cookie. Having a sleeping pill hangover every day would drive a lot of people crazy. That's when I cried. Thank God somebody understood.

As for my friend taking care of her doggie, we agreed that we were the only 2 people who understood our particular situation at this moment. We don't need advice, lecture nor solution. She could have euthanized her doggie and I could have given Camille away. If we could do it, we would have already. Hey, it's a life we're talking right here. I just pray Camille would calm down soon. Giving her away was not an option. Despite all this, she did not deserve to be orphaned again.

Out of all this, it dawned on me that the people you thought would understand you best would be capable of empathy. Fat chance.

(photo http://kuncoro.co.uk/uploads/raining.jpg)