Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself.
I am large, I contain multitudes. ~ Walt Whitman
So much has happened in the expanse of a year. So much has changed, leaving me a little sad and nostalgic of things past.
As I am working on the final drafts on the translation project, I can't brush away the feeling of deja-vu. I was working on the same project last year, albeit outsourcing a third of the drafts. This year I am working on my own and the good news is it's much more efficient.
The bad news is missing the laughter, the sharing at the studio. Studio White opened on September 26th last year. Although the studio still exists as a virtual studio, I really miss the little hangout. It is a really neat studio. I remember going to pick out the lights, mirror, cabinets, coffee table and the sofa...Every time I open the door to the studio, I would go "wow, it's so nice!"
Tant pis everything is truncated when we have to give back the place. After the move, nothing is the same. I still feel the studio has a premature end. The biggest loss though, is the shared dream and vision. Now, as I am rounding up the translation project, I am left with what I have been feeling all these months but refused to acknowledge, a sense of loss.
I have been feeling out of sorts over the weekend and completely unawares that it's the Canadian thanksgiving weekend, which is a month earlier than the States, I cannot find my friend whom I trust would "get" me. As the battery on my phone dies after 2 hours, the verdict is I finally have to face the fact that I have lost my direction in life. Gone is the blanket of complacency and the blinding denial.
It's time to do something, to emerge from this lull because at my age, I don't want to leave this world with any regrets and I have plenty. It's ironic, but my friend is right in saying the one thing I have no regrets is working in my previous job because I have delivered everything, given my all. Thinking back, she is right. Now, I have to put that enthusiasm into my new endeavor, because really, I don't have room for regrets.
photo: www.freefoto.com
2 comments:
This is a down-down-post!
I can't allow this!!
Regret is a start of a new direction. If you know what you miss and if you know what is important for you, you are bound to figure out what to do. With your creative and positive mind I am sure you will find good direction and solutions. If one road is blocked, then we can always go around it or find another road, right?
Actually it's not that down of a post, it just seems like it. I am just venting. I believe if you can talk about it, you are halfway to figuring something out.
Thanks for your encouragement and positive words though. :)
I am sure there will be a way. It's just that there are way too many negative people around, people who are naysayers in everything you do.
I am sure this is a phase and a breakthrough is in order.
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