Love

I have been thinking of a way to write about "Love" for a long time. I did not know how to approach it. One part of me think that it's too sappy to write about it. Another part of me, which I dreaded to be a more truthful scenario, is that it would open the flood gates of memories.

For a better part of the past few years, I thought that love is very behind me. The reason being none other than that I have chosen to be single at this stage in my life, and most importantly, being single preserves my sanity. I am one of those people who falls hard and would totally lose myself in the other person, which is really suffocating. It didn't help that I was a very insecure person and I would do real stupid things to make the other person prove that he loved me. Well, let's just say it's not a pretty scenario.

I have a bout of insomnia the past week. Even with the little winks I could catch, I would be dreaming a lot. I am finally writing about it because I have identified it as an anxiety attack. What brought it on is that I am attending a wedding of a girl friend in three weeks. This girl friend happens to be a close colleague of the wife of my first boy friend.

Okay, it's been a long time ago....college, freshman year. Okay, if our baby were ever born he/she will be almost university age now. Okay, he is married now for 10 years. Okay, he has a little girl now. Okay, I wonder if our baby would be a boy or a girl....

Okay, I shouldn't get all worked up over this, except I keep dreaming about him. It didn't help that there's the gift and in this case, the curse of facebook. We have added each other on our friends list. It was all okay until I saw the photo album he posted a few months back of his 10th anniversary trip with his wife. Looking at the pictures, I felt stabbed over and over again. I am certain it's not pangs of jealousy. The pain came from "what-if ".

Certain to see his family at the wedding. I hope I could hold my composure. If I do have to wipe away a tear or two, I hope no one would notice. I hope seeing "what could have been" would not hurt too much. Then there is this other thing I have to remind myself of, that I am there to celebrate the happiness of my friend. I just find it a bit ironic with this bitter-sweet feeling.

Joanna

I attended Joanna Wang's concert on Saturday night. It was wonderful. The concert's theme is "The Adult Storybook" and it's organized into 6 "chapters". I loved the chapters on "Reminiscence" and "Love", with a lot of oldies plus her own compositions.

Although Joanna is only 20, her repertoire of songs is beyond her age. She has rearranged and sang songs like "Aubrey" by Bread, "Vincent", and "True" by Spandau Ballet. She is also a talented songwriter and the songs she has composed have become hits.

When I first heard her voice, I thought she is a black lady or another Norah Jones, coz her voice is so blues, jazzy and soulful. When I found out that she is an ABC, I was overwhelmed. She has this groove. Anyone into jazz should look her up on youtube or better yet, get her album. She is a real talent and what's rarer, she is only 20 and has a long way to go. I had a great time at the concert and it really made my weekend extra special.

Petit Tin Teas

3 Petit Tins Tea Leaves


Jingle Bells, Dacaf Carol, Tarte Au Poire

I received this gift from a friend for New Year's. It's a set of Tea Leaves in Petit Tins, as they were called, that come in 3 distinct flavors. I thought that I'll take a picture of them before I opened one of them for a nice afternoon brew.

The descriptions on the insert says.....

The Jingle Bells is a Christmas tea with images of snow and bells, which is created by yogurt and citrus fruit flavors.

Decaf Carol are decaffeinated tea leaves, flavored with sweet strawberrry and vanilla.

Tarte Au Poire is a sweetly scented Japanese green tea that will remind you of a freshly baked pear tart.

Now I have to make the difficult but pleasant choice to pick one for my afternoon tea and complement it with a nice dessert "to bring out the flavor of the teas". What a nice excuse to get some sweets!!

Wake Up Call

I am feeling very lethargic these days. I haven't slept as much in ages. After a full night's sleep, I could fall asleep while reading on the sofa, having read perhaps a maximum of 3 pages of any book. I would groggily go online and I would try to best my scores on facebook games. After dinner, I would crash on the sofa again and watch mindless TV shows. Then I'll go online again and try to best my scores again.

This is not me. This is me avoiding a big issue in my life right now. Since I quit my hated job a little more than a year ago, the market tanked and so had my nestegg. It has gotten to the point that I have to seriously contemplate the most horrifying prospect of having to go out to the world again, to face people, yeah, put simply, to get a job.

I was counting on my investments to go back up, but it ain't happening (up till now). I never thought the economy would head south as much as it had. I have been dreading to face this money problem coz it's freaking me out. I procrastinated, so I just shut off and sleep. I just didn't want to dwell upon it coz it's just too overwhelming.

Tonight, it has finally dawned on me that I have posted nothing new on my blogs for a long time. It's because I haven't done anything!! I am just wasting away. If I don't wake up and address this problem sooner, it will only get worse. I guess the fact that I am writing about it is a good start.

Dear Friends, I need a wakeup call!! Hit me!!!

Truth about Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

Gal's Point of View - A Day to be hooked up at all cost
Guy's Point of View - A Day to be avoided at all cost

I got a call from a male friend on Valentine's Day, wishing me a good day and asked me for some advice. The girl he had been dating was asking him where they'd spend Valentine's Day.

My friend was hesitant and non-committal till the last moment. He said that he was going for a round of golf and wouldn't be back till after dinner time. In fact, he was home. He didn't want to have dinner with her because it would make them too "official". Drinks would be more casual and they would be less of an item. OK....

Gals all expected their significant others to "do something", coz that's what couples "should" do on Valentine's Day. To the gals, it would be unimaginable if there weren't any plans, presents, flowers in store on this big day. After all, what better day than Valentine's Day to show love and appreciation for each other? With much anticipation and expectation, the gals waited ....

The moral of the story is, if the gal is dating a guy above. This would be a day of utter disappointment. It is the everlasting struggle of guys wanting to be non-committal, and gals wanting commitment. Of course there are happy couples enjoying the day and each other's company. I believe that feeling appreciative of each other should be mutual. If the bond is there, you could feel it in your heart, each and every day, and not only on this day.

(Photo http://www.mydreamwedding.ca/uploads/Image/Kyla/8111.jpg)

Kobe my baby

Today marks Kobe's 15th month passing. People say time heals everything, but I guess it will take a lot more time than 15 months to heal the ache and emptiness that Kobe has left in my life.

He has been so brave and fought so hard for his life after 2 big surgeries, I thought he would live a long life. He was only 3 years old when he passed on, Until now, I still can't accept the dying young part. You will always be my precious baby. I miss you, Kobe.

A Journey

Pastel b. website, designed by Pascale

Jamie & Co. logo, designed by Pascale, too

I was really frustrated the past months with a bombardment of questions, or to be exact, accusations of what work I am in right now and how I am getting by with no "job". I tried to put on my best face and told the inquisitors that I have my own professional writing company and I do translations for companies. More questions came, so how did you get the projects, did you know somebody, did you actually make money? Duh....

I also told them that I have a studio, and the inquisitors went, what do you sell, do you pay rent, how much revenue's coming in per month? Blah....

I was so fed up with them that I was perpetually in a bad mood for the past 2 months. I confided in my friends and a very dear friend reminded me that every start up takes time. She reminded me that when I first saw her, I had no name card. I was carrying my then manager's name card. Oh, I also had no seat in that office, since I was in training then. I sat opposite my manager in his room.

Well, 6 years had gone by and in the process, I became a Business Director of the company. I had no grand illusions of the company after my 6 years tenure and I decided it was time to go. Well, 6 months into my retirement from active work, I had a chance to do some editing and translating work for the internship program with my previous company. I was real happy that the feedback was pretty good.

One day, an ex-colleague called me for coffee. As we were chatting, the topic of the internship program came up, and I told him that I did the writing. He said he knew of the program and asked me if I would like to do bilingual translation for his association in the future. I said "Yes, I'd love to." So it all began from a coffee chat. I am blessed with ongoing projects with his association now.

Another friend who saw my writing also referred me to a big project for a new fast food franchise. I am very grateful for his referral and I am blessed I have ongoing projects with them, too. When the store opened, I went to try it out with a couple of friends. The satisfaction from seeing the words I had labored on turn into a real store was really heart-warming.

We are working on Pastel b.'s website at present. The concept of a hand sewn card came 11 years ago. That was when I made my first card and named it Pastel b. I can't wait to see the website up and running coz it is designed so beautifully. I am reminded once again, that every start up needs time to grow and flourish.

You don't know how much your words meant to me, dear friend, when you reminded me of the name card incident. I really hit a bottom the past few months, thinking that I am not "doing" anything, when all the while, the start ups are taking their natural course to grow. Thank you, my friend, for being there for me. I truly appreciate it. :D