I had a freak accident couple weeks ago. Well, I slipped on the bathroom floor and landed on my back. It was a nasty fall as is, but what's worse, the impact was on the same side (left) as when I was hit by a truck back in 2004. Images of being stuck on a hospital bed at once flooded my memory.
Being immobilized is my ultimate fear, be it out of sickness, accident and worse, restrained. I have had my taste of every kind. The helplessness is overwhelming and the feeling of being at the mercy of other people, devastating.
The most humiliating experience happened in 2005 when I was bound hand and feet, carried onto an ambulance, put in a padded room and tied to a bed. I was suspected of committing suicide (drum roll please). Since then, individuals who have put me in that predicament have fallen out one by one. I wouldn't say it's a conscious act, but in retrospect I have never forgiven them. I swear to myself I would never let anyone override my decision, ever.
It was with this conviction I lay on the floor weighing my options. I told myself as soon as I could move I would head straight to the doctor. The next day and weeks after, I had to ingest loads of painkillers and move about bent with the aid of an umbrella. It's infuriating not being able to move freely but I have never been so proud of myself. I have stuck to my belief and it's liberating.
As of this post, I am recovering and I have to thank all the gal pals who have stuck by me and my stubborn beliefs.
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